My boyfriend and I, who live together and share our lives together, have separate bedrooms.No, we haven't been together for 20 years. Only 2 1/2 years.
Yes, we still have sex. Frequently, in fact.
No, neither of us snore. (Well, ok, not much)
And, yes, we are very much in love, probably more in love than anyone I know...
Here's the deal.
We didn't mean to be boyfriends. We meant to be roommates... with benefits. We had both just ended very long-term relationships (mine of 9 years and his of 4 years) and absolutely, positively, no questions asked were NOT ready for another relationship. He moved to Phoenix TEMPORARILY while he was looking for a job somewhere else. He was my roommate... and we had ridiculously great sex and did everything together.
So, what happens? Long story short, but he gets a job in Phoenix, we finally call it what it is (love, not roommates) and we buy a house together.
But, we decided to keep separate bedrooms. We both like sleeping alone. I haven't had the bed to myself in almost 15 years (I was married to a woman for 5 years prior to my last relationship) and he hadn't had the bed to himself in almost 25 years (he was married to a woman for 20 years prior to his last relationship... yes... you read that right).
I like to read before I go to sleep and he doesn't. I like having a space to call my own and he does too...and neither of us are big cuddlers before sleeping or upon waking up. We cuddle, but it's usually on the couch watching TV.
So, we have separate bedrooms.
And you wouldn't believe the reaction we get from people. This sleeping together thing is WAY more symbolic than I knew! People are almost shocked when they hear this or come to our house. Like, in disbelief. Even my most "progressive" of friends.
Come to think of it though (and it never occurred to me until writing this), it's mainly my SINGLE friends that think it's so weird. My married or otherwise coupled friends don't really comment much on it. But, I've heard more than one single friend say, "That's what I like the most about being in a relationship is going to bed and waking up with that person."
I go to sleep and wake up with him... He's just down the hall...
The other comment I get most often is "Well, what happens when you have sex?"
I say, "I leave him a twenty on his dresser and then I'm back to my room." That always shuts them up.
I think many of us remember when their dad starting sleeping in the guest room (I know I do) and what that meant, even if the parents explained it away by saying he snored too much. Or their grandparents sleeping in separate beds or rooms. And what that symbolized.
I just really didn't know it was so sensitive for people. It's not that we're really averse to sleeping together either. We always get a king-sized bed when we're on vacation. We don't close our doors to each other. Very often, we sneak in each others' rooms to get some nookie.
Maybe one day we'll share a bedroom. But, for now, to quote Barbara Mandrell, "I'm sleeping single in a double bed." And liking it.
